A rant from my heart and spiritual based solutions that work…
Where is my life going to happen? When is my life going to happen? What am I going to do!?
Where? London? Moscow? Rishikesh? LA? Denver?
When? This week? Next month? Next year?
What? Yoga teacher? Mosaic maker? Mother? Student?
Sheeeesssh! I feel upside down.
It was due time I post an original, thoughtful post. I haven’t known what to write because, honestly, I’m up in the air, upside down and inside out… Uncomfortable. I have so many questions about life and, what will become obvious from this piece; I am getting impatient for the answers.
The first 4 weeks of utter life uncertainty I understood. I got that it is “all a part of the plan”. I saw that the universe was dishing out an uncomfortable hand and to accept it in kind, but now, I am getting tired. Uncomfortable… incredibly. Tired of waiting on the answers. Where? When? What? We have been waiting in this middle ground of complicated unknowingness for a long time. And time is ticking away (visa concerns with my fiancé who is British). Too long this wait has been! At least according to my earthly schedule, way too long. In God’s world I realize it is all, still, just as its supposed to be.
(Rant begins) Listen, after nearly 2 years of globetrotting I am ready to stop, to settle. Those of you that have seen me recently, know this. Travel shmavel. The adventure has been fun. Amazing, Incredible. Stupendous. Thank you God for it (really I mean that from the bottom of my gut). But please… please can it be over? I know we are not supposed to pray for selfish things but I think I can be of better service to humanity once I have friends I can see on a regular basis, neighbors, and all that other normal stuff! Blogging has been GREAT (Its been a year by the way so HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TAOZI TREE YOGA!) I have loved sharing with people, getting feedback and just getting to know people better…. But honestly, I can’t teach a great asana class or have some coffee with all of you, as much as I’d love that.
Friends. Community. Home. I am craving it. I am ready to stop travelling like this. Not ready to give up the adventure, but living out of suitcases and boxes? Yes I am ready to stop that. A different bed every week? Lack of stability? 2 YEARS!!? Does that make sense? I mean I want a SPICE CABINET for goodness sakes. (Rant over).
Now that we are at home “waiting” my symptoms resemble that of stress and anxiety (can you tell? Haha)… How could echem-echem (clear my throat) I…Miss Taozi Tree Yoga be anxious? I mean we are yoga people. Practice every day, load up on veggies, and even meditate! So what is going on here?
The test. A test. One of many tests. Can I decipher the message inherent in our uncomfortable state of affairs? Can I see that God has laid this out in front of us to see how we handle it? Ummmm. Yes. Yes I can.
Honestly. I can. But it is a process and this is how it goes:
I see the “problem”. I need to first see the root cause of my stress or anxiety, in this particular case, it is uncertainty and fear about not having the answers to some key life questions. I can clearly see how this fear swells up particularly when I am in an “Earthly” spot. Fear of the unknown and impatience combined with a growing list of things to do for our wedding (getting married in Mexico in 4 months!), while attempting to get organized for the big move to… oh yeah that’s right, we have no idea. Lots going on, lots to do. Lots of “stress” and “anxiety”.
Here is the good news and I hope it can inspire some of you. Yoga. This is what I do. Getting a CLEAR perspective on reality. Uncertainty and stress is caused simply from my limited perspective on the situation and I can change my perception. Here is how.
DESPITE the uncertainty and the awkwardness of it all, I can DO things to change the way I feel. I can take ACTION. And I do. I am. I do all the things I know I am supposed to do to stay centered and to remain confident in myself, especially at a time like this. Here is a list of the PRACTICAL things I have been doing to stay as calm as I can and to enjoy the process regardless of how up in the air is all feels.
Here are a few different specific things I may do at altar to help relieve the stress and get a clearer perspective on my own realty.
Thinking HAPPY THOUGHTS! I have had enough of these thoughts :“I am worried, I am stressed, I am scared…” rolling endlessly around in my head. I honestly believe that the seeds we water are the seeds that grow. So if I am thinking the same negative thoughts over and over, they will continue to get bigger. In my meditation I can make the effort to create a positive mantra. “I am right where I am supposed to be and I am happy. I am so happy and grateful for the uncertainty and the unknown! I am thrilled about it. ;)”
I smile gently to myself. By turning the corners of my mouth up and breathing deeply into my soul. My body automatically thinks, “Oh she is smiling so she is happy!” And then it carries this happiness deep inside. Faking it works. Trust me.
Visualizations. Lately it has been on getting GROUNDED. With all of this travelling and flying around the world. With all of this uncertainty it is more important then ever for me to sit right where I am at. In the moment. On the ground. I feel myself heavy and rooted to the earth and then the power of the earth streaming into me. Then I visualize my outer self looking down on me gently with compassion. With out fail my perspective on life gets cleared. I am here to breath, to practice and to be of service.
SERVICE to others.
This can be tough as we have been on the road so much. How does one be of service in their day to day life? IF you are lucky enough to be in one specific spot (lucky you 😉 here are three potential easy things you can do to get you out of your own head.
Getting a commitment at the local jail to offer yoga classes or art classes.
Getting a commitment at the local “old peoples home” if there is one near by and just go hang out with any one who is approaching the end of their life that just needs some love and attention. I guarantee you will forget your woes and feel much better about what is going on in your life.
Make a casserole for a friend in need. If you have a friend that is sick or has something crazy going on in their life, you could offer to deliver them a home cooked meal. This will give you plenty of time to cook loving food in your kitchen and deliver it with a smile, and it will make their day!
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
GREEN FOOD! Perhaps consider a fast of some sort? I told this to my sister Leah a hundred time when she was getting ready to leave Uganda. LOAD up on veggies. Lots of them. So many. This combined with serious water will make you glow from the inside out and you will just feel better.
ASANA, running, swimming… walking… get active and do something physical that will take your mind off of the issue/stress at hand and focus the energy on making yourself feel better. By working your body out, this will lead to better sleep.
SLEEP: If like many other people in the planet, when you feel stressed about something or under pressure, sleep may become a problem. By exercising and meditating, sleeping will be easier, try to get at least 7 hours a night… No one feels good with a lack of sleep.
This too shall pass. By simply coming to terms with the fact that the one thing that is constant in life is change. The place you are at today that feel however it feels will inevitably shift and you in turn will feel differently about it. By perceiving the stress at hand in this way, you can see it impermanence and it loses its power. Patience is a key factor in this. Knowing that what our ideal time schedule may be, is not Gods. So we work with Gods with acceptance and gratitude and know that what ever is coming is exactly as God wants it.
This is a tricky one and a faith in a power greater than your self is necessary for this to become a reality. The power can be whatever you choose it to be, but by believing that this power has granted you the blessed life you live and will take care of you no matter what, makes a big difference in the way we rise to meet life’s challenges or stresses. Again, I realize that this may be really challenging for people when they are in a particularly tough spot, or have no experience with the concept but I promise that is gets easier with time and with evidence of actually existing. By having the faith of a mustard seed, gentle shifts can occur in your life with the power to shake mountains. Practice, try it, have faith. Give up the struggle and give it over to this power so that you can….
You are already exactly where you are supposed to be. Instead of approaching this entire distressing episode as a path to a goal that is somewhere else. I am meditating and eating greens and sleeping well so that I can reach point C, over there, far away where things are good. Avoid this thought pattern and instead approach the process it in the moment. Knowing that right now you are alright and you are already exactly where you are supposed to be. Happiness is not a destination over there. You are already there.
So after putting aside my stress and connecting with realty, I begin to see the real lesson more clearly;
It doesn’t matter where you live or what you are doing or WHO you are doing it with as long as you do what ever it is you are doing with purpose, with love, and FAITH… So where does all this leave me? Right where I started, in a space of total uncertainty and “chaos”. How do I choose to face it? With faith.
God, I know you have us under your wing. I know that where ever we end up it is where you want us to be. I know it will all happen on your own time. I trust you God. I trust and trust and trust.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that my decision to continue to have faith inspires you to do the same. If there is anything in your life that feels uncomfortable or uncertain causing anxiety or stress… Can you try some of these simple suggestions? Can you give it to God too? Can you just have faith that it will all work out as it is supposed too? Let me know, I would love to hear your experiences, they will inspire me to keep on keeping on.
Oh, and now I can answer my questions from the beginning of the rant:
Where is my life going to happen? HERE.
When is my life going to happen? NOW.
What am I going to do!? THIS.
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